Why does it feel like déjà vu?
The guy I’m seeing right now and I had a talk recently. I was commenting on how guys I like end up moving away after a week, a month or a few months… and for some reason, we ended up talking about the direction of our “relationship.”
He said that it’s been a dream of his to start his own business. Since he’s getting old, he’d like to give it one last shot before he retires. That’s why, he plans to leave his job in August, start up a trading business with his brother, earn a few million US$, and retire before he’s 50.
Because his business requires him to be constant communication with factories in the Mainland, there is a huge possibility that he’ll move to HongKong or China. Having been in a long-term, long-distance relationship before, he’s not willing to do it all over again.
It still makes me sad when I think about it, though I appreciate his honesty and candor… I really don’t think it’s just bullsh*t. He’s not that type to bullsh*t about this. He really doesn’t know where his future holds.
It makes me sad because although he shared with me his plans for the future, they were of his future. I was nowhere in his plans whatsoever.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
In other words, though he likes me and being with me… he doesn’t like me enough to include me in his future plans. Of course, it’s only been a little over a month since I even knew him… and the fact that we have this huge age gap issue to overcome, but I am idealistic enough to believe that if a person loves you or likes you enough, he/she will swim hell and high water to make it happen.
Look at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!
Ultimately, it meant that he likes me… but that’s it. He doesn’t like me enough.
If he did, all these minor issues we have, poof! Gone.
And that hurts.
Ouch. Double ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Hearing his words, I told him to be careful with my heart. And he said that he is very, very careful. He doesn’t want me to get hurt, nor does he want to get hurt either.
I’d like to tell him that it would be nice if both of us won’t get hurt. But the thing is, this is our heart we’re talking about… in matters of the heart, someone’s bound to get hurt sooner or later.
But I just kept my mouth shut.
I think both of us already know that.
He’s a very practical man. He should be after all the things he’s gone through in the past decade. That’s why, even now, he tells me to keep my options open, date around and see other men.
I don’t get it. Why should I date around if I’ve more or less found the guy that I want?
Mind you, he’s not perfect. But I’m perfectly content to be with him.
Sigh, I’m more idealistic and romantic. It amazes him on how naïve I am.
So this brings me back to my next move… do I leave, or stay? What should I do next?
Am still thinking about it… but as for now, I stay and see where this goes. All I need to do is do my best to protect my heart.
First, I really like his company. I feel comfortable and relaxed when I’m with him. Perfectly content. He teases me quite a lot, but I just like being with this man. He’s a very interesting person to be with.
Secondly, we can communicate. From the very first day we’ve met, we’ve been talking non-stop. And that’s very rare, even for me. It’s very difficult for me to find someone I can really talk to.
And thirdly, he’s a great guy and I’d like to get to know him better. Maybe nothing will come out from it… but still, I know I’ll regret it more if I leave now, than if I stayed.
All my friends are rolling their eyes now. They know I can’t stay detached for long, especially if I’m hanging out with a guy 24/7.
Hope I can get out of this with my heart still left intact…