Everybody assumes I’m a party animal.

*Geez*

I was talking to a guy friend by MSN last night. I’ve only met him twice, and he told me that he thought I was a party animal when he met me. It didn’t matter that I was in casual sporty clothing that morning (we went indoor wallclimbing earlier). All he can remember the hot number and mini skirt with boots that I wore that night!

*roll eyes* Aaaaaaaaargh! Men!

Most of the guys I meet usually remember the clothes I wear! Not in detail of course, but they have a good idea what I wore the first, second and third time I meet them.

And I thought they were paying more attention to my intellectual insights on poverty, life and philosophy. 😉

As my friend Mike said (and yes, I have a lot of friends named Mike so figure out which one!), “XXXX, dress like a slut, and people will think you’re a slut.”

Great. Now, I’m a slut?! *bangs head on the wall*

Another guy friend also said to me that one time we went clubbing, “If a guy sees you walking on the street alone wearing that outfit, they’ll most likely think you’re a whore. People in Taiwan don’t really understand the clubbing culture.”

Great. First a slut… now a whore.

I hit him so hard that he fell backwards, tumbled down the street and never to be seen again.

All right, am kidding. I just hit him in the shoulder. Hard. Should hurt.

That’s what’s wrong! People ALWAYS judge the book by its cover!!!

When in Rome, do as Romans do! When going clubbing, wear as clubbers wear!

Am not really there to pick up men and to date, have never EVER picked up anyone (yet), but it does frustrate me that people do have a tendency to judge a person by what he/she wears.

I do that too. Hehe.

But I don’t want to NOT wear something I’d like to wear, just because of other people. My friends know what I am like, and they’re the ones who are beside me when I’m in trouble. I’m not going to let a few ignorant people change my individuality just because they feel uncomfortable.

And besides, once I enter the club, my outfit is quite tame.

Not enough cleavage, not enough skin. Some women wear a bikini and hot pants, and I’m like… no.

My legs aren’t nice enough. 😉

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I’m a worrywart, do you guys know that?

I worry about everything! My job — it pisses me off when incompetent people can’t do their job well. I like to do things right and efficiently and it bothers me if people hem and haw, and never get things done.

Two days before, I almost blew my top with a planner who gave me incomplete instructions!!! I mean, you’re a planner for goodness sakes! That’s your designated title! YOU PLAN FOR A LIVING!!! How can you be so disorganized?!

But of course, screaming on top of your lungs don’t help you get the promotion. So I just gritted it and smiled.

And made sure my boss knows the whole thing.

When in doubt, cover up your ass. If it’s not your fault, don’t shut up. Tell everyone what happened so they know the BIG picture, and when push comes to shove, everyone’s sympathetic with you and even compliments you for being so understanding.

Sigh. Some of the things you learn when you start working.

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Shhh… let me tell you a little secret: I’m interested in someone right now.

Mind you, I don’t “like” him but I’m “interested” in him.

I remember writing something about the difference between liking someone and being interested in someone, right?

Well, I’m interested in this guy… and I’d like to get to know him better.

Ha! And you thought only guys can show interest.

But the thing is, he’s so ambiguous. I don’t know if he’s also interested. Sometimes, he seems as if he is, but sometimes he’s not. It’s frankly driving me up the wall.

My problem is, it’s my nature only to be interested in one guy at a time.

That’s why, my ex always trusted me. He knows me. Unfortunately, I can’t really cheat. It’s not in my nature.

Do you know lots of people here in Taiwan cheat?

They’re always looking for the next-best man/woman.

Anyway, I’d like to get it over with.

I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but I’d like to express my interest and see his reaction. I’d like to see if he is interested (not like, but interested) as well.

Don’t really like ambiguous relationships. Did it, done that with my ex… wasn’t very good for me. Can’t really handle the emotional roller coaster of not knowing where you stand in a relationship. After that, I vowed never to get into pseudo-relationships again. Unfortunately, I think this is happening again.

But am doing something about it now. I won’t let it last for months like before. I think I have enough self-esteem now to know that I deserve much more than that. I have so much to offer, and I can only offer it to one man at a time. If he can’t realize how terribly lucky he is, well, that’s okay. It’s time to move on.

It’s scary though. I’m scared.

What if it doesn’t end up positively?

But as my trusty guy friend had said, “Go for it XXXX! If he doesn’t react positively, why would you want to be with a guy like that? Don’t make this a replay of your relationship with your ex.”

Right. That’s why am doing something about it. NOW. Clear things out.

I know I’m ruining the fun. Flirting is part of the fun. Not knowing is part of the fun. Guessing is part of the fun.

But to tell you the truth, I’m getting tired. I don’t want to wallow in another relationship that’s going nowhere. If I’m in, I’m in. And if there’s nothing there, I’m out. Let’s keep that clear.

Wish me luck!