Negotiables and Non-Negotiables

A wise person once told me that in a successful relationship, you need a list of negotiables and non-negotiables.

Negotiables are traits/behaviors/attitudes that you prefer your significant other to have, but you’re willing to let it slide if he/she doesn’t have them.

For example, for me, height is a negotiable.

Hopefully, he is at least taller than I am.

At 168 cm (or 5 feet 5 1/2 inches), I usually tower over a lot of Asian men. It would be nice if I don’t have to wear flats just to keep in line with him, or stoop down just to kiss him.

Race is another negotiable.

I must admit, a person’s race/culture significantly influences the way he/she thinks.

Nevertheless, I’m open to learning about the other person’s culture and thus enriching my own.

After dating a Japanese guy, I understand that race didn’t really bother me that much, so long as the guy cared for me as much as I cared for him.

Of course, I would prefer dating an Asian man, but I’d also be willing to give a Caucasian guy a try.

Weight is negotiable.

Yes, I admit it.

I’ve always been attracted to slimmer men.

Most of my past crushes were very, very thin.

But I’ve also realized that weight isn’t a big deal, mainly because the guys, who I’ve been with, usually balloon a bit after I’ve been with them.

Mike says that happy couples usually gain weight together, and hopefully, this is true in my case.

Age is negotiable.

My boyfriend is more than a decade older than I am.

And though I know age will become an issue if God-willing, we ever get more serious (e.g., health issues when you get older), I also understand that it’s the couple’s willingness to make it work that is more important.

Even though he is more mature and worldly than I am, my boyfriend has always been patient with me, never giving me that know-it-all attitude.

And this is one of the things I like most about him.

Smokers are negotiable.

Well, kinda.

I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my entire life.

And frankly, I don’t like smoky breath, hair and clothes.

How about kissing a smoker?


It’s like kissing an ashtray.

I like my guy to have strawberry breath!

However, I’ve went out with a smoker before, and though it bothered me, I won’t take it against him so long as he not smoke in my presence and chewed some gum afterwards.

Distance is negotiable.

Sometimes, we can’t help it and they’ll move away.

My ex moved away to Japan in hopes of better job opportunities. My boyfriend may move sometime soon to Hong Kong in pursuit of a dream.

I understand this, and support them 100 percent.

It’s not the distance that bothers me.

It’s when you don’t make an effort to make the relationship work that bothers me.

So will I ever get into another long-distance relationship?

I prefer not to. I’d like to see my guy a lot.

But if it ever boils down to that, I’d still give it a shot.

Meanwhile, non-negotiables are those that are so correlated to your core beliefs and values, that it is essential that your significant other shares the same foundation.

Some people may call them “deal breakers” in a relationship.

I have a couple of non-negotiables, but here are two of my most important ones:
Having solid integrity for me is a non-negotiable.

I hate guys who cheat on their women, and I vowed to divorce my husband if ever he does cheat on me.

Infidelity — especially physical infidelity — is something that I’d find hard to forgive and accept.

I can try, but I always believe that trust is crucial in every relationship. And once that trust is broken, you can never bring it back.

Likewise, this includes integrity at work. I don’t believe a person can be honest with the family, and be dishonest everywhere else. I’d like my guy to be honest all times. Yes, he can be an aggressive businessman who doesn’t put up with bullsh*t, but at least, he’s not a sleazy, dishonest bastard who lies all the time.

Possessing good character is another non-negotiable.

I like nice men.

They say nice guys come last?


My ex, regardless on how sh*tty of a boyfriend he was, was still considered a nice guy. He won’t hurt you, and if he does, it’s unintentional.

My boyfriend, is as nice as a guy can be. He can be brutal sometimes and mean when necessary, but he’s also a very nice person. He’s generous and caring to a fault, and just loyal to his friends. I don’t think he’ll hurt anyone unless absolutely necessary.

And when I say nice, it’s not just about being nice to your girlfriend or your in-laws. I mean nice in the basest degree. For example, this includes being nice to the waitress, the man on the street, your colleagues, or the people around you.

Bottom line is, I like nice guys.

How about you? What are your negotiables and non-negotiables? Kindly share! I’d always appreciate your input. Thanks!

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