Oh no.

Blogging is turning into an addiction.

Instead of working, I find myself opening Word up and writing a few words for the next day’s blog. You see, I’m trying to see if I can post at least an entry a day. Sounds pretty ambitious, ain’t it? And since I seem to write long entries, I’m a tad worried that I’m susceptible to idea-burnout.

I mean, if you write everyday, where can you get all your ideas?!

It’s not that I can help it though. Ever since high school and university, my book reports and thesis were some of the longest in class. I figured, if I couldn’t make a good report in terms of content (you’ll never know if people would love reading your work or not), at least, you’ll impress them with the number of pages. No wonder I had a hard time during my junior year in my university when my Philosophy professor insisted that our reflection paper be limited to 2 pages.

Short and concise.

Geez, I remembered looking at my professor in bafflement. This wasn’t my usual SOP. Previously, if my professor asks for 8 to 10 pages, I give them 10.

11, if I can get away with it.

12, if she says nothing.

At least, if all she reads is bullsh*t, she’d still give me a decent grade, because it would seem that I worked hard for it. At 12 pages, it’s obvious that I made an effort. At least, it would give me a C+.

I think my Philosophy professor was just tired of reading all those long papers. But let me tell you this, that semester was one of the hardest. I remember looking at the computer for an hour thinking on how I’m going to cut down my thoughts to a measly two-page paper! That was really hard. Even when I submitted my paper, I still feel that I can cram more information into it.

Do you see what type of training I got during my academic years?

That’s why, when I graduated, I just didn’t graduate with a degree in Management. We would joked that I graduated with a degree in making bullsh*t.

My friends would joke that if you give me a topic, I can write at least a two-page paper about it without even knowing much about the thing.

Single-spaced. Times New Roman, font size 11.

This is an exaggeration, of course! Even I can’t come up with that much bullsh*t!

Maybe I should’ve been a lawyer.

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The weird thing is, writing has always been part of my life. Even with a degree in management, my internship was writing a company prospectus in preparation for an IPO. My first job was as a researcher and assistant to consultants in a public sector consultancy firm. In Taiwan, I would teach English (again, related to English), and now, I’m writing most of the time as well for a well-known PC company in Taipei.

Writing seems to chase me around wherever I go. I can’t escape from it!

Of course, I would prefer to “manage” more than to “write.” In a way, writing is an objective skill. Either you write well, or not. My boss writes way better than I do that it embarrasses me. But of course, she’s been doing this for years now. I believe writing is a talent. It’s an art. Some people can just naturally write better than others. You can take creating writing courses all you want, and of course, you’ll get to improve and develop your writing skills, but there’s only so much you can learn.

Managing people is different. It’s much more subjective. There are so many uncontrollable circumstances to consider, so many dynamics involved that it’s not the skill per se that makes you a good leader — it’s the ability to adapt well to the many different circumstances around you. Being flexible is the key.

Besides, I love people. I adore being in the company of people. I cannot stand just sitting in my cubicle and write, spending hours in deciding which words to use and how to phrase things a certain way. My colleagues can do it, but I don’t think I can’t. I’d prefer dealing with a more diverse group of people than my PC.

My parents and siblings are actually proud of me. They always tell their friends, “My daughter XXXX, she can write pretty well.”

Every time they say that, I start to cringe. Every time they praise my writing, I feel a bit of pressure. Why? Because the person they’re talking with will usually ask for a sample of my writing. And from there, I’d wait breathlessly till they read through my work and give their verdict.

And since everyone’s taste is different, I dread of the time one of them will say, “Her writing’s overrated.”

Of course, it never really happens. Most of the time, they praise my work.

But then again, maybe they were just being polite.

Letting someone read your work is constantly a risk. What if that person doesn’t like it? What if they think my writing sucks? Insecurity? I don’t think so. I have a good idea that not too many people can express themselves as easily. But every single time somebody reads my work, I get a bit scared, because as a writer, you would want to please your reader.

So writing and I, we have a love-hate relationship. Kinda.

I love to write. I love putting my thoughts on page and seeing the black on the white. I like creating something (bullsh*t or not). But I am not a fanatic who pore over thesaurus for the right word to use. I write from the heart, at the time when I am most comfortable. I pour my thoughts into paper. For me, the words just flows out. Crappy words or not, it just comes out.

But I don’t like the pressure of being put to the test whenever people read my work.

I know it’s not the case, but it seems that way sometimes.

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Maybe that’s why I like blogging so much.

I get to write, but still maintain a blanket of anonymity.

It’s a way to express myself without letting others know my identity. That way, if they don’t like it, they may comment on your work, but you’re basically “safe.” They won’t say, “XXXX is a bad writer.”

Not that I don’t like criticism, I do. I love it when people comment on some entries, and tell me what they think, positive or otherwise. It helps me improve my skill. Their input enriches me, and gives me a different perspective on a situation. But at least, you get to do it in a safe distance. It’s personal, but safe enough for you to be absolutely comfortable.

You get to put your thoughts in words, write about your day, document your stance on several relevant issues, and basically vent out — without the direct ire of your readers. You blog simply because you love to. It’s an outlet to maintain one’s sanity in this crazy world.

And if other people like your work, and even share the same opinions as you do, then all the better!

Besides, I realized, after I start blogging, I began to have a heightened sense of my surroundings. Things that I would not have paid much attention to before, I do now. When I take a shower, a thought pops into my head and I try to put it down on paper as soon as I can so I can write about it later. I feel more relaxed and happy.

Blogging’s great! Why didn’t I try this before?! No wonder you guys do it!

How about you? What do you guys think? Do you, fellow bloggers, share the same opinion as I do? I wonder, do you like to write as much as well? Are you like me, who try to blog everyday? If you do, please share, where specifically do you get your ideas?