I slipped on my old pairs of shorts yesterday and was aghast to find that they didn’t fit. They used to fit last November before we went on vacation.

I tried another pair of shorts and found out that my hips grew larger, and they couldn’t even reach my waist.

Finally, I tried another “loose” pair of shorts, and was surprised I looked like a suman.

Yes, my body has turned disgusting, and belly flabs which had escaped me during my post-pregnancy are now appearing.

“Well, you did say carpe diem!” my husband reminded me. “You said that the food was so good (at the cruise) that you can’t just say no. Now, you’re paying the price.”

Sure, sure, sure… but you see, my body never really changed through the years.

I was unused to the flab, and have never really become fat. Even when I was pregnant, only my belly swelled. And after I gave birth, my body bounced back to its original weight pretty quickly.

In short, I had taken my figure for granted, and now, I’m paying the price.

I used to scoff at women who would endlessly diet. “I’m not like them,” I would say. “Just eat less…”

Apparently, I am not immune to weight gain. Nobody is. Maybe it’s the delicious cruise food. Maybe it’s the age and the slower metabolism. Maybe it’s motherhood.

But whatever it is, I don’t like my body or the excess weight.

Sigh… I’m now 38 and starting to look like it. Which is depressing. I have always prided myself to wearing nice looking shirts and heels when I was younger. Now, I look like a mom.

I am envious of the mothers who look very well put together. Always well-dressed, made up, and looking like they’ve never had kids.

Compare it to me now, wearing my loose nursing dresses, hair in a ponytail, wearing Crocs and have belly flabs. What happened to me?

It’s unfair to blame Motherhood or Age for my weight gain. I ate a lot so I gained weight. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. I should take responsibility for what happened.

So I will cut back on food… not starve myself to death.

But stop eating when I shouldn’t. Food is good in moderation anyway.

Sigh… slightly depressed and disappointed in myself….

Goodbye 2018. Hello 2019!