They’ve actually dated for three years and I know her for almost two.
Don’t get me wrong. She is a nice person and her family is the greatest. Her dad is an accomplished president of a non-profit organization, her sister-in-law is an acute businesswoman who is one of the food suppliers to a large hotel chain here in Manila. And I hold them both with the highest respect.
But it irks me that my potential sister-in-law is someone who doesn’t take work seriously.
For one, she is always late.
Despite our urging, she cannot seem to come to work on time. You see, she helps out in the family business, but for some reason, she is always late. She comes in at around 10:30am or 1:00 pm, or sometimes, don’t come to work at all.
It came to a point that people from the office ask us whether she’s really part of the company because she is working only half a day! I think it is bad when people feel you have the right to be late because you are your boss’ girlfriend.
Gee… what’s going to happen once they are married?
Two, when she actually goes to work, she’s playing games right where everyone can see!
Be it playing Candy Crush via her cellphone, or playing games on her PC, my potential sister-in-law cannot seem to stop playing games or fiddling on the Internet, browsing Facebook or YouTube during working hours.
Most of the time, whenever I pass by her desk to go to the bathroom, she is NOT working. Instead, she’s surfing the Internet. It irks me that we are all so busy in the office, and her not doing anything at plain sight.
And when she starts doing something, all she does is ask my brother what she needs to do and how. Like when she wanted to buy a ceiling fan and was calling a store. She asked him where the ceiling fan will be installed!
Not only is her playing games during office hours a bad example to other people (She sits between two of our secretaries who sees everything), but it’s a bad precedent to others that it’s okay not to work if you’re the boss’ girlfriend!
Lastly, she has yet to really contribute anything concrete despite working here for months.
I really dislike people who always find excuses to their incompetencies. It’s as if they cannot own up to their faults. Hence, if they always think that it’s somebody else’s problem, then they cannot improve.
Even if you assign her a task, she will delegate it to someone else. If you give her a responsibility, it doesn’t get done to the point that you’ll end up doing it.
Like the time we assigned her to design and make a uniform for our employees during the car show.
One week before the show, I asked her about the uniform.
“Oh we don’t have a uniform yet,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“There’s no one who is willing to do it because time is too short,” she answered. “They need at least two weeks to do it.”
Note that we have assigned this assignment to her at least a month before. But they dilly-dallied on the uniform design to the point that it’s one week before and she still hadn’t found anyone who can do it.
“Well, there’s no material too,” she added. “We cannot find leatherette anywhere.”
“Uuuuh, why not get it from the upholstery shops?” I asked. “They usually have leatherette there.”
“Uh, so who’s going to go to the upholstery shop?” she asked.
I just stared at her. Well, who do you think should get it, Einstein?
“Uuuuuh, so what will my staff wear?” I asked.
She just looked at me blankly as if at a loss.
Aaaaaaaaaaargh.
Anyway, in the end, my mom stepped in and saved the day. We actually sourced the material, found a sewer who agreed to do everything, and got the uniforms on time.
No help from the person in charge.
Which bothers me a lot.
Would you marry someone who cannot do anything? Can you respect someone enough to be the mother of your children if they are just nice but cannot really make things happen? How important is the quality that din-e-tsue-tai-ji (you can actually make things happen)?
When you date someone, you date them because they are nice, pretty and someone you get along with.
However, when you marry, are work ethics, discipline and the ability to actually make things happen, matter?
My potential sister-in-law so far may be nice and sweet, but so far, she has not shown evidence that she can be constantly on time, that she can be disciplined in her life, and she has the ability to accomplish something for herself.
And she is already 26 years old.
Even at this mid-20s, she has yet to show any of her personal achievement aside from being someone’s daughter and Chinese.
I try my best to keep quiet since it is my brother’s business but I find it difficult to. I honestly think that work ethics and discipline are important when finding a mate. But if I say something, I will be the bad guy, held responsible for stopping something that could have been beautiful.
No, this is something that my brother has to see and decide for himself. Till then, I will keep quiet.
How about you?
What do you think of my situation and how will you handle it?
Make it a point to show him how bad and useless she is. Does he know about the uniform problem ?
Yes, he knows. But how can you change a person who doesn’t want to work? How can you make an elephant move?
You can’t. Hope he realizes that she will be a lazy wife and mother and he will do all the work.
Does she have salary? Maybe she doesn’t feel the need to put in her weight since, nagko-kotiam lang naman siya. Think some people need the reward in able to be effective.
Does her side of the family have their own business? I won’t be surprised if they do. Maybe on their side, the mother/sisters do not meddle with their business, they do not have the right (you know, no-say mga babae). So in her view, sa business niyo, she doesn’t really need to work.
Is she interested at all in the business? What is her weakness? Ano hilig niya? Maybe she might do better in HR, or maybe deliveries, or maybe dealing with clients, sales, logistics, etc. Maybe the family assigned her somewhere na she’s not interested in, then she won’t really care.
Has she been treated like an outsider? Ikakasal na ba sila? Baka feeling niya “howe” lang siya, so wala siyang say. I remember when I was helping out my ex’s business, wala din ako say eh, but then hilig ko sa pera, accounting, and mga balance report, so dun ako tumutulong.
But in the end, some people grew up with silver spoons in their mouth, that might be one of the reasons, too, that she’s never worked in her life, so she doesn’t really know how to help/run a business.
As for solution, not sure if it’s a good idea to talk to her personally. Maybe ask your brother to talk to her what her interests are, so she can be put somewhere she belongs. 🙂
Hope this helps. I think mahirap talaga if she’s marrying into a family, lalo na if malaki ang expectations sa kanya, maybe she needs time, it would just be frustrating if she’s not into it either. =\
Yes, she is given a salary.
Her dad is a professional, her mom a housewife. The brothers are doctors, but she chose to be a coffee barista for two years before taking up interior design. She graduated last year already but is not practicing yet.
She is handling a separate department of one, working closely with my brother. No results yet but then again, who knows?
They’ve been together three years so marriage is in the cards if ever.