At the risk of sounding defensive, I feel that I have to clear a few things up with you guys regarding my last relationship.
While trying to remain the better person and keeping my mouth shut and my fingers at bay, I have inadvertently made people believe that the breakup was just your average breakup, and the relationship disintegrated via the usual reasons (e.g., LDR for a long time, conflicting schedules, etc.).
Consequently, I’ve made it sound as if Trader was the innocent party, whom I’ve repeatedly attacked via my blog. Sadly, it has made me sound tons bitter, and had turned off a few of you loyal readers (I’m sad to hear that).
Again not my intention. 🙂
Anyway, as I embark on a new journey, I felt I needed to clear things up with you guys on what actually happened.
I am not asking for your pity. I know breakups usually usually have some fault from both sides, and I pesonally had mine. And I will never be shy to admit them.
To be honest, not only am I aware of them, but had been working constantly on making myself better… and plainly just be a better person.
But maybe this is one last page of the Trader story, so we can close that book once and for all. And in a way, also inform you readers what actually happened those last few months. 🙂
To summarize, our relationship was long-distance and lasted for 2.5 years. We tried our best and our bank account got depleted only to have him break up with me via Skype citing the usual reasons (e.g., not working out, stress at work, etc.).
When he did that, I was in London, and relatively alone.
It was a week just after my birthday.
In a foreign country that requires you to change your watch to a different timezone.
And he did it at 3am my time when I had an 8-hour class I couldn’t miss that same day.
To say I was shell-shocked was an understatement.
Yes, people break up all the time. But it never meant it wasn’t tough. Breakups are tough. Period.
Not only did I have to put myself back on track in a country where I almost had no friends, but I had to endure that class without breaking down trying to keep myself held together.
I broke down and cried that evening. And a few days after that.
Later on, I found out through someone else that he actually met someone while I was in Hong Kong/London, and was flirting with her while we were together. To common friends, I later discovered that he was pursuing and even dated her while he was still seeing me.
While we were still together.
To top it off, I learned this via several sources. One of which was my brother who actually spotted him in a restaurant kissing and hugging another woman who was not me. He knew that I wouldn’t believe him so as a wedding photographer, he even took photos and videos and sent them to me.
This is the same woman whom he is now engaged to (Side note: Congrats to them both. Wish them all the best).
It wasn’t the breakup that hurt me, inasmuch as being fooled.
I felt like a tool for trusting him, and for thinking he was such a great boyfriend, when in fact, he was already seeing someone behind my back, and plotting our breakup. When other common friends actually knew what was going on, and never really told me.
I felt cuckolded.
For someone who has never cheated, or have cheated on a boyfriend, this was a complete surprise, especially as he has always shown himself to be the best of all boyfriends, and had tried his best to be seen as “nice” by other people.
It took me a few months to get over the hurt, and I think the experience has left me a little bit jaded.
That’s what being cheated on feels like. You feel that people are going to cheat on you because it’s happened to you once before. It’s not a great feeling, and it leaves you more suspicious and less trustful. It makes you guard your heart a lot more.
But time is a great healer. And so are family and friends.
Today, I am doing fine. Great actually.
The scars that was left behind from my last relationship has healed a long time ago, and I don’t think about Trader at all, except for the times when I feel how lucky I am for actually not having this relationship work out.
Most importantly, how can you be with a cheater? Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship, and I find it amazing that he can do something like this.
It also made me realize what I wanted, and what I couldn’t live without. And the rare times when I think about Trader, it is usually in reference to my relief of being with someone who was the opposite of Trader. Who is a much more better fit to me. 🙂
So forgive me if I sound bitter. It wasn’t my intention.
And I hope what I’ve shared above sound factual instead of trying to get him back for what he’s done for me. It also clears up some confusion as to what happened.
At least by knowing what happened, hopefully, you can be a little bit more forgiving and understanding when I have talked about Trader.
Regardless, it’s a closed chapter of my life.
Onwards to the future. 🙂
Have a great weekend ahead!
3 thoughts on “To Conclude the Trader Story…”
LDRs are tough, really tough. only someone who’s been through it really knows just how much. Glad to see that you’ve moved on and the story in the last post on finding your someone online is heartwarming. have a great 2013.
Thanks Fili and am glad you’re leaving comments again. More luck to you in 2013 as well! 🙂