Have you ever been in a useless relationship?
You know, the type of relationship where you know there’s a definite expiry date and an ending? The one where you got in just for the hell of it fully knowing that it ain’t going anywhere?
You may recognize such relationship. Hell you may have also been in one…
Like the relationship with the married man with kids. How many times has he told you that he might leave his wife for you but he is now in the rock and a hard place because he has to stay for his kids? And what would his colleagues say?
Like the younger bachelor who has yet to get tired of his party going ways. After the umpteenth time of excusing himself for not being with you when you most needed him because he needs to hang out with his friends, you probably know its not going anywhere.
With that super cute relative of yours who may be attracted to you but heck, blood is thicker than water and you gulp at the sight of incestuous issues with your potential children.
Like the man who was born and need in more traditional backgrounds whose parents are adamant that he marry their “own kind” (e.g., same race) and he just doesn’t have the balls to leave the relationship. You know that as soon as the going gets tough, he’ll leave you for the woman his parents had chosen for him.
Your overachieving boss who cares about what HR thinks.
In the end of the day, you will bump into men or for guys women whom you know won’t last. You love them, you can’t live without them, and you know you need to but you can’t bring yourself to leave ’em.
I’ve done it as well. I’ve been in a dead end relationship.
And I remembered, when I looked into my ex’s eyes then that it was a dead end relationship and it wouldn’t last. And though it hurt, I knew that I — not he — would have to end it sooner or later.
Because he wouldn’t do it. Why would he? He was having his cake and eating it too.
But I knew I needed to do it.
For my own self confidence. My own sanity. My own dignity.
And I did.
I found an opportunity to break it off and I did.
And when I did, I cried aloud in the hotel room. Like cried CRIED. Cried so hard as if a parent died.
Cried because it was the end of a relationship.
Cried because it would be the last time for me to hold him that way.
Cried because I didn’t want to end it.
But though it was tough, I did. I ripped off the bandage.
And though being single is hard, being in a useless relationship is even worse. Because it kills you. Slowly but surely till you wonder where your life has gone. It’s a slow death.
And given that I’ve made a conscious choice, I know that by giving up on a useless relationship, I am opening myself to something way better.
Hopefully, you are too.
Have a good week everyone!
3 thoughts on “Have you ever been in a ‘useless’ relationship?”
dropped in here to actually check out your famous post on mba at hkust ! and somehow ended up spotting this latest post of yours.. there’s such a stark difference in your tone as compared to that post! i hope you are holding out well !
Haha, thanks Anshul. How many people actually know the HKUST post? I don’t even know who reads it.
Well, life has been very different since I graduated from HKUST. It’s still a great degree to have though and am very happy with it as with the school. How are you? Are you done with your MBA or just starting?
traveling expats have little chance for anything but… it really does make the heart become a stone.