A married classmate told me, there were four types of men you’ll meet in your life (Men: you can use this for women too!):
1) The man who loves you the most.
2) The man whom you love the most.
3) The man who will be your best friend.
4) And the guy who is most suitable for you and you will most likely marry.
Usually the guy who is suitable for you doesn’t have the other three qualities. Which is kinda sad. But I found to be kinda true.
“If you marry the guy whom you love the most,” my friend explains, “In the long run, you won’t really be happy. You cannot really be yourself because you’re around him and you would want to cater for his every need. Hence, you can’t really be at your full potential.”
A guy classmate of mine is in this position. He is in love with his girlfriend so much that he spends every night talking to her for hours.
Those who are in an MBA program would know we don’t have hours to spare to talk to our significant other. Even Trader and I only spend around 30-45 minutes a day talking…
I asked him how it was. He said, “I love her a lot, but my biggest fear is that I am not fulfilling my largest potential. When I am with her, I am so happy, but I can’t perform as well…”
I know how it is. Trader is the same. When I am around, he can’t work. He gets distracted.
When I was in Singapore last week, we got into a fight because he was playing video games instead of studying for his CFA 3. The whole week and a half I was there, he almost got no studying done except for the day where I went out with my friends.
“Why can’t you study bee?” I complained. “I am not bothering you. You should just hit your books!”
“I can’t really concentrate when you’re here,” my boyfriend said. “When you’re here, I am distracted and my schedule gets out of whack.” My boyfriend is a man of schedule. If A doesn’t follow B, he just doesn’t feel right.
“You should be more flexible ma!” I replied.
I’ve really thought about this in my relationship. Which one was he? Which one is me?
For Trader, I think his first ex-girlfriend was the girl who loved him the most. I wasn’t his best friend, as he had others while I don’t think I am the most suitable for it.
“How can you be suitable for me?” he jokingly commented. “We fight all the time. Hahah!”
It’s true – we aren’t really that suitable.
My second ex-boyfriend was my most suitable. In fact, if there was a guy who was the mirror image of me personality-wise and interest-wise, that would’ve been him. We shared so many interests that break up was a bitch.
Even though we broke up, we would still bump into each other every other day because we both went to the same small wallclimbing gym (Note: There weren’t a lot of climbing options in Taipei) and had a lot of common friends. It was tough to recover from that relationship. I think it took double the time.
My first ex-boyfriend was the guy I loved the most at that time. Now, I am sooo happy we didn’t work out. He was Japanese (uh, hello cultural difference!), was kinda unemployed, a high school graduate and didn’t love me as much.
But how I loved him!
To the point that I — arrogant me — even chased after him. Aiya embarrassing…
I was miserable day in an out because he wasn’t mine and when he was, I was again miserable because he didn’t love me as much as I loved him. But he could melt my knees to butter. He was just, sexy. And at that time, he was mine.
Sure, it took me mere weeks to get over him but when I was with him, I was totally madly deeply in love. I thought about him all the time. I wanted him to be with me all the time. He was like a drug.
Compared that to Trader — I love him, but it’s not to the extent that I really really have to have him. In fact, many of our fights end up with me pushing him away to someone more respectable (I know, it’s wrong but Icannot help it!).
So in the end, I think I’m Trader’s most loved girlfriend, and Trader is the guy who is most suitable for me. 😀
How about you?
Who are your four types of men?
Have a great weekend! I’ll write about my mom soon in lieu of mother’s day! Abangan…