Today, I’ve been accused of being one of the many girls in Taiwan on a boyfriend hunt.
I can’t help but smile, but inside I was dying laughing.
Okay, sure I am at current, still single.
For some reason as well, most of my friends are unfortunately men, so on almost every social occasion, people see me as surrounded by what else — quite a few guys — laughing and joking with them.
And yes, I’ve been called a flirt before, mainly because I’m affectionate with people I like (blame it on the strong Filipino influence), meaning with me, it’s hugs galore and all that glam.
I’ve also been called untrustworthy because I go out a lot (okay less now due to my current job), party with a diverse group of people and stay out in the wee hours in the morning. Guess for some guys, that just shows I’m “uncontrollable” and “wild,” and therefore, unwilling to settle down yet.
It just shows how people often judge a book by its cover — so I can’t really blame them for their ignorance.
If you see a sexily-dressed woman who’s rumored to be single and always out on social gatherings, surrounded by a stream guys and seemingly on very affectionate terms with them, you’re also bound to jump into conclusions — you’d think that she was on a boyfriend hunt too!
Gee-weez guys, is that how low you think of me?
First, I dress up when the occassion for it because it’s just respectful for the organizer of the event. So for example, if you go clubbing, dressing up in a low-cut top (so long as there’s no nipple slips), a mini skirt and high-heeled boots is okay. It’s so hot in there, you want to dress as little as possible!
However, if you go to a wedding for example, dress appropriately as well in a nice cocktail dress and black sling-backs.
And if you’ve worked hard for the body you have, is it wrong to wear pieces that accentuate your physique and increases your confience because it makes you feel good to wear it? Why would I wear something boring just to please the ultra-conservatives?
Secondly, most people often see me out on social events — because heck, I’m the organizer, so what do you expect?! I’ve tried not showing up but have just invited the ire of my fellow organizers who felt I wasn’t giving enough “support” so heck, it’s a Catch-22 situation for me.
Damn if you go, damn if you don’t.
Furthermore, I show up at other events as well because first, I was invited (and it’s a show of disrespect if you don’t show), and secondly, to show support on fellow organizers and their projects! We organizers help each other you know, and it’s also the best time to reunite with long-lost acquaintances and contacts.
If that makes me a social butterfly, then so be it — but that’s what you become if you are the figure-head of one of the largest social organizations in Taipei.
However, that’s the thing — you only see me out in social events, so you think I party up a storm.
But where were you when I’m having a quiet night at home, reading an entertaining book, or studying alone in a brightly-lit cafe?
Where were you when I’m out at Alexander sweating it out and enjoying a quiet night working out?
Where were you when am wallclimbing with a good friend, or having a nice intimate dinner with a girlfriend?
So you base your assumptions about me only from the times you see me — which is at parties a few times a month. You don’t really see me during my downtimes, when I’m enjoying some “me” time (which is more and more often) or when am just lying back and resting.
You call me popular — but hey, if you organized the project, won’t people automatically know your name too?
But the crowds are fickle and easily forget.
I don’t derive any pleasure from my so-called popularity because this comes and goes. So what you think is important for me is actually far from what actually is — for me, I derive pleasure in seeing a project growing and people having fun, not really about the people itself, as weird as it may seem.
Thirdly, what’s wrong with the culture to not believe in platonic relationships?
Yes, it’s true — you can be friends with a guy — and not have any romantic notions with them.
And the advantages are many:
1) You understand and get to know a guy without the hassles of emotional roller-coaster experiences, the harrowing dilemma of “where you stand with each other” and all that drama, as well as being able to be rational when he tells you that he’s actually not serious about the girlfriend. Meaning, you can enjoy the friendship you have without worrying about your heart.
2) You can get insights on men you’re actually interested in, and they too can be totally honest with you and say, “Drop it Raven, he’s a wuss and just not into you.”
3) You have guys on your beck and call ready to rescue you when you need it. So as girls can offer you some retail theraphy and a shoulder to cry on when you break up with your asshole ex, your guy friends give you better relief by saying, “If you want me to smatter him to little bits, just say the so.“
Of course, you won’t really do it, but it’s just nice when your back is covered.
And 4) It’s nice to have somebody to go wallclimbing, surfing, wakeboarding, hiking among other activities, without worrying about “getting a tan,” or losing time from shopping. Besides, a lot of guys are knowledgeable in a diverse range of topics and they’re more apt to talk to you about politics, economics and religion.
So believe it or not, platonic friendships with the oppposite sex do exist, as long as you know where to draw the line.
This goes to the girls who invite their guy friends to “cuddle” up with them because they’re lonely. Girls, guys are human too. And yes, most WILL try.
But I think Taiwan is still a tad bit conservative into close-mindedly thinking, if you hang out with a guy often, then you’re dating him.
At least for me, you hang out with someone (guy or girl) because you truly enjoy their company. Period.
And because you know them very well, you know a romantic/sexual relationship just won’t work, but you know that friendship-wise, they’ll be your friends for life so why not?
But of course, live in Taiwan, understand what Taiwanese people think. So really, can I blame them for thinking that way?
But do I care that they think that way?
People will think what they’d like to think and have already given up making people think otherwise. Bottomline is, you can’t really please anybody, so heck, why not please the only person you can please — yourself?
So long as you know the truth, that should be good enough.
And if people don’t really care enough to ask you directly, well then… too bad.
As for guys who are afraid that I’ll cheat because I have too many attractive guy friends, well, can’t really help that he’s insecure, right?
My exes have always trusted me 100%, and I have given them no reason to doubt. I’ve partied without my then-boyfriends, been approached by cute guys and all the time, went home alone.
If you can’t trust me, then I find no reason to start anything, as trust is the cornerstone of every relationship.
So stop being insecure, all right?
Lastly, being wild and uncontrollable because I go out too darn much.
There’s a difference between wanting to party a lot vs. living (or in my case, scheduling) life to the fullest.
I do a lot of the latter — and schedule my life as much as I can. Heck, I even schedule “me” time but it’s more because I’m anal. And I like knowing what I’m doing this afternoon, tonight, tomorrow and next week.
Otherwise, I go crazy.
But am I wild and uncontrollable?
Far from the truth.
Am pretty boring, if I do say so myself. Routines rule my life, with quite a few exceptions in between.
However, to stop my babbling, all I want to say is, am not in a boyfriend hunt.
Aiya, you feel it in every pore of your being when a woman’s just dying for a boyfriend. Her eyes dart around seeking for the most eligible and hopefully single guys in the room. She goes out with the sole purpose of looking for a boyfriend. She feels lonely and wants a companion, heck, she prolly wants to get married NOW!
But I’m not dying for a boyfriend.
After over a year of being single and happily moving on with my life, I am in no hurry to take that wild ride of falling in love, being in a relationship and undergoing that stress of a breakup because of whatever reason, just because I’m lonely.
Sorry, but unless I find someone who’s worth my time, I’d rather be single — Life’s too short for all that hassle and drama.
At least then, you’re more productive. You get more things done.
You can date/hang out with any guy you like and not feel guilty, and actually consider whether you’re compatible with them or not, instead of just hooking up because you want somebody to keep you company at night.
You get to travel in the fly and not be afraid of deciding where to go, who to meet and where to eat. You can make decisions independently and more efficiently.
Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but when I do, I curl up in bed reading, “The World According to Garp,” open up my books to study, or surf the Net for the next travel destination I want to go to. Or heck, call up one of my guy friends to chat about the weather.
So Raven’s in a boyfriend hunt?!
My life’s already great. So unless you find somebody who can make it even better, then thanks… but no thanks. 🙂
Thanks for the thought though.