It’s a Saturday evening and am alone at work, finishing up some travel arrangements for a handful of clients flying in this week.
I just realized, it’s kinda lonely here. Raven is a bit lonely.
I’ve practically spent the whole day alone — doing my facial and coming to work in a weekend. I ate a nice tomato and mushroom pasta at the Mitsukoshi foodcourt, and now, coming back to work to finish it off before heading to the gym.
Aside from a brief 30-minute call from CW who said “Hi,” (I think it’s because he felt guilty for abandoning me last night for the company of two chicks), I really had no interactions with anybody else.
In a way, it’s liberating — you get to do what the hell you want, and heck, your productivity shoots up.
But you kinda feel sorry for yourself.
When I was walking to work, I thought, “Maybe that’s why people marry… they yearn for the companionship. They hate to be alone.”
And yet, on the other hand, if I’m stuck with a partner who brings me more pain than pleasure, being alone is still a welcoming option.
Aussie guy popped in mind today. “At least, the emotional roller coaster’s ride is over,” I thought. It’s been weeks since I’ve been in contact.
All my fault la. Not his. He did give me a missed call last Saturday and emailed me asking if I was still alive earlier this week.
I didn’t answer of course.
Am sick and tired of games, and wanting what I can’t have.
I’d rather give it up entirely.
Anyway, I’m still content. I partied hard last night, drank a few glasses of wine and suffered a slight headache for drinking too much. Then, it’s Carnegies till the wee hours of the morning where I said my regular greetings to my friends at the door before heading home.
This is my penance.
And I embrace it.
Because heck, though some of you may pity me for being alone (or surprised that I even am), at least, I know the direction where I’m going and am truly content. And if there’s somebody to be by my side, let him prove himself worthy!
Which brings a side note of, my repeat disappointment with men in my life.
I thought CW had a chance when I went with him to the wine-tasting yesterday, but he failed the unspoken test — know where your loyalties lie.
Anyway, I digress.
Like I said, no regrets and I don’t feel sorry for myself.
It’s kinda different… and we embrace what is different.
I’m babbling here so I’ll just leave this post for another day.
Hope you’re out partying tonight!!!