What do you do when people are starting to talk about your ex?

Last night, I attended the dazzling ORIENTED Happy Hour that was held at the Grand Hyatt poolside that’s located at the 5th floor. Because we travel around the same circles, of course, my sociable ex was also there, minging around and pouring red wine into the glasses of guests.

It was an enjoyable occassion and I hobnobed with acquaintances and friends I haven’t seen for a long time. I’ve also met a couple of new friends. The ex was somewhere in the background, but I haven’t really paid attention to him, mainly because I was busy catching up with old friends.

However, while talking to an acquaintance, we got into the subject of my ex. Mind you, we were talking about common topics, and this guy didn’t know that my ex and I had a history together. Hence, he was able to talk to me freely on what he had thought about my ex.

“Raven, when you get drunk, you get really cute,” he mused. “But when Ex#2 gets drunk, he gets absolutely stupid it’s laughable.”

“Why do you think so?” I asked, wanting to know why would people coment about him.

“He’s just obsessed with almost every girl he meets,” my friend said. “When he gets drunk, which is often, he chases after them and acts like a fool. He tries to get his hands around them that people can’t help but laugh about him.”

Ouch.

How embarrassing.

Yes, I know that my ex has a tendency to excessively flirt with most of the hot women in the party. He has a propensity to hug them, put his arms around them or whatever. Personally, I think that there’s always a limit, which he almost always exceeds. It comes to a point that another acquaintance on a separate occassion had called my ex, “Mr. Happy Hands.“

Another friend has asked, “Why is he acting like that? He is no longer a teenager. Is he experiencing a mid-life crisis?”

Frankly, hearing people talk about my ex like that bothers me. It seems like a poor reflection on my choice of men. What’s worse, they speak the truth. I know they are only open about how they feel about my ex mainly because they had no clue how I’m connected to my ex. They merely think I’m working with him in the organization we both are active in.

And what do I tell them?

I tell them the truth, “He’s usually not like this when he’s sober and serious. He’s a really nice guy and knows how to take things seriously when it’s time for business. He only puts on this “party” face during social events like these. He’s not like this when he’s not drunk.”

“Ah, but that’s the thing, Raven,” they said. “Every time we see him, he’s usually tipsy or drunk.“

People do a lot of stupid things when they’re incapacitated. What’s wrong is that every time my ex consumes alcohol, he gets super affectionate with the ladies, so much so that people are starting to talk. Not only is it embarrassing for me (people who knew we were together before look at me with pity) but it’s disappointing to see how such a nice man can make a fool out of himself. 🙁

But what can I do, except to deflect people’s opinions about him? He’s no longer a boyfriend and it’s his life.

If I warn him about what other people are saying about him, I would merely seem like a spiteful jealous ex-girlfriend.

Once I told him to behave and tone it down during social events. Not really for my benefit, but for his. You see, the foreign community in Taipei is just too small and somehow, news travels fast. People love to gossip and talk and make a fool out of yourself once, and people will forgive you.

But do it every single time there’s alcohol in an event… 🙁

People can be absolutely cruel.

And they’ll talk about you behind your back.

The talk’s getting louder, even I am getting wind of it.

People are no longer starting to care that I work closely with him. They just can’t help but talk. And no matter how I tell them otherwise, they’re already starting to make up their minds about him.

This saddens me. I know how much talk can hurt, but I am caught in between. People hate to be criticized, and as his ex, I am not the best person to warn him to shape up. I myself remember how hurt I was when my best friends did an intervention, and it hurt. I almost cut off my friendship with them.

No matter how I word it, he would think that I have an ulterior motive.

Big sigh.

Regardless, it’s his life, his choice.

To love someone is to let go, and I’ve already let him go for quite a while. As a friend, I still care deeply for him, and yet, I care enough as well to make his own decisions and learn from his own mistakes.

Sometimes, I look at him and just shake my head on his behavior. Frankly, I am disappointed. Where was the distinguished gentleman who conducted himself very well in every occassion? In his place, is a boy who people are starting to think of as a clown.

Sometimes, I want to shake him wildly and just tell him to snap out of it.

And yet, I choose to let him live his life and just be his friend when he does need it.

A friend who knew we were together commented, “Congratulations when you ended your relationship. At least, you can now see his true colors and find out what he’s like when he’s caught drunk and unaware.“

But you know what?

It doesn’t make me feel any better.

Because I wouldn’t want to wish this at my worst enemy.

Nobody likes to be pitied.

And it bothers me when somebody I care about is pitied the way my ex is. Sympathy can only get you so far, after a while, you can’t blame alcohol for being so silly.

Your thoughts, please… they would be absolutely appreciated! 🙁

On a good note, it’s Friday, so you guys behave now!