Last night, Trader and I had a big fight.
As I’ve already started my internship at an investment bank, I was merely having around 5.5 hours of sleep a night on weekdays. As a derivatives trader, he also needs his pleasant rest on weekdays. As a result, even though we would still have our virtual dates on weekdays, we were really too tired for each other.
Oftentimes, he would have to do his chores and sign off earlier, while I would be in bed half asleep. Totally unromantic if am being honest.
However, the problem came about because of this weekend. Because we were too tired for each other, he promised that we would spend the weekend together.
On Friday, I call him up at 7pm and this is what he said: “Baby, am having dinner with Jeff tonight. But it’s going to be very early and I’ll see you back home.”
Jeff was his best friend in Singapore.
Then he tells me he has dinner plans on Saturday with his friends, and he plans to visit a friend’s home on Sunday evening.
And I was like, “WTF?”
In the end, he did end up going back home earlier and wait for me. I on the other hand went out for drinks till 1am with my friends. In between, we had a few heated conversations between each other. 🙁
“Why am I not prioritized?” I shouted. “I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. I should be placed first over your friends!”
“But I treat you very well baby. I spend my weekdays with you,” he replied back.
“But on the weekdays, we are the subpar of each other,” I retorted. “We’re too tired that we cannot even be decent company! Why does your friends get your prime weekend space while I get leftovers?!”
And so on and so forth. We talked till 3am yesterday, and had a quick 30-minute chat in the morning. It was freaking exhausting.
His issue: What was I complaining about? He has always been very patient with me, treated me very well, and tried to spend all his free time with me. Given that he is leaving Singapore soon, can’t I give him a break and let him spend time with his friends?
My issue: Yes, he is spending too much time with his friends. Friends are dispensable. Ideally, the girlfriend is placed above all else.
Sounds egotistical of me but he is my boyfriend, not yours.
Anyway, when we had both calmed down in the morning, the issue all bound to this:
“There is really no comparison to the significant other, over and above anybody else except the immediate family. This goes for both man and woman. If your partner feels uncomfortable with what you are doing, if you really respect him/her, you may have to prioritize his/her feelings — and not just in time allocation. “
For example, my boyfriend is uncomfortable that I still am in touch with my ex-boyfriend.
If he did say that he feels uncomfortable, then if I really love and respect him, even though my ex is a very respected business man who is good to still be in contact with, I should respect my boyfriend’s feelings and stop seeing the ex.
Likewise, if the boyfriend still keeps in touch with people I do not feel uncomfortable he hangs out with, he shouldn’t be insisting that he is unattracted to them, they’re just friends, etc. Sometimes, there is no rational reason why a woman becomes insecure except for the fact that he is choosing so-and-so by defending her, even though he has no feelings for her.
So guys, if you really love your girlfriend, please don’t defend your girl-friends over her. If she’s uncomfortable, just stop seeing them. If your girlfriend realizes that she is the priority, and her feelings are heeded above all others, she will actually feel secure and let you see whomever you want.
Anyway, crisis abated and we are still licking our wounds.
Dunno if you agree but trust me on this, we are not jealous of your girl-dash-friend. We are jealous of the attention you showever over her and the fact you are defending her.
This has not been a very good start for the weekend.
Regardless, I had an amazing Saturday today. Tell you about it if I have the time. 🙂