Phew, we just finished our first exams and my hands are aching. That’s around 3 hour’s worth of writing, yo! 🙂
Anyway, the topic for today is all about money.
Trader and I got into an intense argument yesterday because of such sensitive topic. Though I felt that he has always been generous to me, I was irked by the fact that he’ll always tell me how much something is worth. Specifically, it disturbed me when he told me that he wanted to eat somewhere cheap for dinner yesterday at the range of HKD100 for the two of us because he’s already spent so much money in his 2-week trip to New York, and of course, my birthday.
From a person who’s never really worried about money, I hated to have money being stressed in a relationship. Personally, I’ve always believed that money, though important, should not be the end-all or be-all of everything.
For me, we earn money in order to be able to afford things we want. For Trader, we earn money so that we can save, and invest so that we can have even more money.
For me, I am happy knowing that I am in the black, and I can usually afford the essential luxuries if I wanted to. Trader from his side, puts a lot of pressure on himself worrying about the future because he believes himself to be the breadwinnder of the family.
So the difference is, I’m a simpler person who earns and spends money for the moment while Trader is such a practical, money-oriented man to the point that he’s even conducted an Earnings Discount Model before making the decision of dating me. In a way, he wanted to be sure that he could actually afford me, and it was only after he ran the numbers on his spreadsheet that he believed that he could actually take care of the expense.
Hence, you can see why two people of different mindset about money can have conflicts.
“Of course, I love the dinner you took me to and the wonderful gift you gave,” I told him, “but can you please stop talking about money and how much it costs? It removes the enjoyment out of all the things you’ve given me.”
“Have I ever restricted my spending on you though?” Trader asked, obviously hurt.
“No, you’ve never been cheap with me,” I replied. “However, I do know how these things cost and don’t want to be reminded of them. Money is important but I don’t want them to be in my face.”
To be honest, at least, I can be lucky.
Many men are free spenders who don’t have a conscious mind about the value and importance of money. Trader’s future brother-in-law for example had decided to propose marriage to Trader’s sister despite the fact that they’re still in shaky financial ground. Trader would not do that.
However, for a more romantic person like me, I do wonder how important should money be in the relationship. Sure, it’s something to think about but do we have to worry about it most of the time. It’s not as if Trader has to worry about money. His work as a derivatives trader compensates him for his efforts.
“I’m in a lot of stress, Bonita,” he told me. “I don’t just have to think of myself, but also for my sister and her wedding. Of course, I have to consider the am-pao as well”
I think the red envelope is the least of our worries. And yes, I am irritated if he places money to be too much important for my own comfort.
However, I do love him very much. And though I may not see money as very important right now, it’s at least good that one of us is planning for the future.
Have a great week all!