"It’s Not You, It’s Me"

Received 9:56 am this morning:

Dear libra raven,

how’s going on recently?

i’ve read about ur toastmaster club agenda of this wednesday. judging from the scheduled topic, i’m really looking forward to taking a look it. unfortunately, i have toeic course at that time weekly that means i might not see u again.

raven, hard to explain it, without ur information my life has become incomplete after return of vietnam traveling. i’m eager to give u a call each day and know if u r well in everything like i’d love to take good care of u in vietnam. frankly speaking, i worry about u and would like to protect u no matter where u r, such as bus, airport, shopping and even airplane.

would u be my GF?anything u talk about, i’m all ears. anywhere u go, i’m willing to take care of u.

by the way, may i have ur cellular phone no.?i wish we’d have a talk and share our progress.
good luck to u.

the guy i met in vietnam


Replied 7:43 pm this evening:

To be honest, I am flattered by your attentions. Thank you — it’s not every day that I get this sort of email. The thing is, I’m not in that phase where I am already looking for someone to share my life with. There are still tons of things I’d like to do and achieve, and I have no interest in settling down right now and find myself a boyfriend, regardless on how great or gentlemanly that man may be. I honestly don’t have the time, nor would I want to make the time. These things are just not part of my priorities at the moment.

Regardless, just want to say that I appreciate the courage you showed in sharing with me how you feel. Am sure it wasn’t very easy, but you wrote anyway. That was very brave. I am however, sorry that I cannot return such affection, and hope you can understand. You are a terrific guy who’s bound to make another lucky woman very happy in the future, taking care of her and pampering her like crazy — I just regret I cannot be that girl.

To end, how have I been? As usual, things have been very busy after I’ve returned. But overall, I’ve been very happy and content on how my life is going. I think it’s this sense of busyness and purpose that I like. Meanwhile, I hope you yourself are also doing well, and wishing you much luck in the future.



I will be honest, I meant every word in my reply. But sometimes, we women soften the words so as not to hurt a guy’s fragile ego too much. I wish I can tell the absolute truth, but hopefully, he can get the hint and just leave me alone.

Seriously, after three emails last week, 1 gift sent through registered mail, and finally the email this morning, I just had the last straw and set him straight.

It’s true what the book says — regardless on whatever B.S. the person you likes tell you, bottomline is, he/she is just not that into you.

Desperation and the need to be liked is a turn-off, and though I understand where he’s coming from, it is not attractive to me. And am sure that though he may be hurting at the moment, he will make another woman, who also wants to be loved so dearly, happy.

I am not that woman, that’s true.

Though it would be nice to be loved, I don’t need to be loved as desperately. Though it’s nice for someone to listen to me and “protect” me, I frankly don’t need it. I can take care of myself, thank you very much.

Basically, it all boils down to incompatibility.

He is lonely. I am not.

He needs to be loved and wants to settle down. Heck, am sure if I’ve agreed to marry him, we’d be engaged by tomorrow. But I do not.

I still have a life to live, and I don’t really need a guy to tie me down.

But maybe Karen was right, maybe the real reason is, I just don’t like him in that way.

So lesson to the men/women when someone is turning you down, there is more to the reason than all the bullsh*t you hear.

But ultimately, the reason will be clear, why the heck would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway?

He deserves better.

And so do I — I will not settle, just because my body clock’s ticking and just because everyone wants me to.

And I don’t mind waiting, thank you very much.

So if you think otherwise, let me know. Was I too harsh, or did I provide him with the right amount of consideration? Comments welcome.

Night night.

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2 thoughts on “"It’s Not You, It’s Me"

  1. Did it ever occur to you to just IGNORE his email?

    Or in the first place, why did you even give him your email addy when you weren’t interested? You could’ve given him a fake email add. That’s not being mean, at least not overtly so.

    And yes, your reply to him was way too long and opens up more opportunities on his part to ask questions or justify his desire. A simple, “Hi BR, thanks for writing, sorry can’t talk much as am super busy. Take care” would have sufficed.

    I think deep down you love the attention he’s giving you and are secretly pleased that you can gloat that you turned another suitor down.

  2. He wrote me 3x and sent me a gift by registered mail! And of course, didn’t occur to me to not give him my email addy — he asked for my card so now he has my office address and email. Next time, I’d know. 🙁

    Actually, thought about being more succinct, but wanted to be a little bit nicer because didn’t want to agitate the guy even more. People want to be treated with respect. If he does bother me again, I’d be more firm.

    LOL — I wish I had that many suitors!!! If only you knew… they come far and between! 🙂

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