Date your friend’s ex?

To do list today:

1) Dry clean the black, elegant QiPao I wore is last Saturday’s party. Now where can I find a store nearby?

2) Go to SOGO and finally purchase the black, TAS NT$1,890 high-heeled shoes with slingback after going there TWICE in three days and finding out it’s closed because of a stupid fire.

3) Go to Geant or Costco to buy an iron and ironing board if it’s cheap enough.

4) Make the most out of the Alexander membership I newly purchased and finally get to get involved in one of their classes.

5) Clean my messy room. It looks like a typhoon just swept through it. Hahaha, Daniel M. was right when he said, “Guys get all the crap but heck, I find that some women are the messiest of all!” He must be talking about me. πŸ™

So much to do and so little time.

Oh and not to forget 6) Apologize to Mike for the third or fourth time for being late yesterday. To add more salt to the wound, I discovered that heck, he also did the same thing to his ex-girlfriend months before!!! They made a date, and he didn’t show up only offering a meager email as an apology. Ha! He who hasn’t sinned should throw the first stone. So why is he giving me so much crap about this?!

Jes, I haven’t yet answered your question about dating an ex of a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about it. It’s just that my answer is just so short…

My answer: It depends on you.

For me, I have this innate ability to be instantly unattracted to guys my friends have dated/married. Call me silly but the moment I find out and actually see from my very own eyes that this guy has dated a friend of mine (and this is different from a mere acquaintance), BOOM! I’m not attracted to him anymore.

Sure, I’d say something like, “Hmm… wow, he seems like a catch. One day, I’d like somebody like him.

But note the “like him” instead of saying, “I’d like him for myself.”

No, no, no, no, no… as a rule, I don’t steal other people’s boyfriends. It’s merely to follow the Golden Rule, wherein which I don’t want to do anything that I wouldn’t want to happen to me myself.

Besides, I don’t want sloppy seconds. And if a guy dated a friend and then moved on to me, I can’t help but feel I’m getting sloppy seconds. πŸ™

But that’s my issue.

Not yours.

Ultimately, the answer depends on how close you are to this friend.

If you are best friends, that’s another story. Mike used to date my girl best friend so that puts the “Eeeeeew” factor when it comes to dating him.

In fact, Mike has already given up in even getting me to consider dating him. “The difference is, you’ve just flat-out blocked me from your book,” he had said in repeated occasions.

Hence, even though I do have permission from my girl best friend (yes, she had said before, “If you date Mike, I wouldn’t really mind”) to date him, I wouldn’t really do so. Why? Because if it was me, I don’t want any of my good friends to date my ex. Despite her nice permission, I think my girl best friend would still be a tad bothered if I dated Mike. I guess, am just more territorial in that sense.


Secondly, it depends on why AND how they broke up.

Maybe I would’ve considered if it was a good breakup. Maybe I would’ve considered it if the reason for the breakup was a logical one for me.

But though I now know that them breaking up was probably the best thing that can happen to my best girl friend and maybe serves Mike right, I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to me as well.

First, despite what guys say, THEY DON’T CHANGE. You can try to change them, but don’t kick yourself in the arse if they don’t.

The reason that Mike used to break up with his ex, may one day be the same reason he’ll breakup with me.

And god, I can’t take the “I changed my mind,” excuse when it actually was, “I grew tired of you.” And though I love my best guy friend to death, I think he gets tired of women pretty easily. πŸ™

What would make me think that I’m that special to be an exception?!

So Jes, think closely and think well. Find out what made you different from just the girl he broke up with. If she had issues, was emotionally unstable, then maybe give it a go. But if the reasons seem to be a lot of B.S., then maybe you should think it over even more.

Lastly, I just know it wouldn’t work out.

I know for a fact that hanging out with him 24/7 would drive each other nuts. Heck, we hang out around once a week and we already drive each other nuts!

The good thing about dating a friend’s ex is that you basically have a preview on how he is in a relationship and out of it. You saw him fall in love, how he treated his then-girlfriend and basically see how the goods are before even buying it.

So if you like what you see AND have gotten permission from your best friend to date him (don’t let a guy ruin your friendship, or if she’s being stubborn, it would entail making a choice between the guy and your friend), then give it a go.

Life is too short for not taking chances. πŸ™‚

But for me, I’d rather find love somewhere else.

Some people are just meant to be friends, but very very good friends at that.

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