I have a friend who on average steadily dates a girl for 6 months, and then breaks up with them if it’s not working out.
His current girlfriend teases and asks him if she is in “probation.”
She jokes that he is in probation too.
“Probation goes both ways,” she playfully explains.
I asked her if there’s too much pressure.
Meaning, before six months, it’s like you’re walking on egg shells. You’re not sure that any of those days, you’ll break up.
She said that she’s not really worried. As she has just said goodbye to her 20s, it’s good that the dating period is short. She doesn’t think she still has a lot of time, unlike me in my early 20s.
She doesn’t want to waste her time. She still wants to have a normal married life, with kids and all that.
She doesn’t want to date for two to three years, only to find out that the guy does not want to get serious about the relationship.
“It’s good that it only takes him six months to figure things out,” she said.
That’s why, they’re dating with a focus.
Whereas my guy and I are more preoccupied about enjoying every moment we have, they’re using this dating period to find out if they’re compatible for the long term (e.g., get married). For them, it’s no joke.
Every date, they’re out to find out if it’s enough to commit to each other for the rest of their lives.
I think that’s a very practical way to look at things.
She told me that if my guy and I continued dating, we would probably start contemplating about marriage two to three years from now.
Not that I don’t want to get married or have kids…
But I think it’s a bit too quick, considering we’ve been official a month before. We haven’t even reached our third-month anniversary.
I don’t think my guy is planning the wedding as well.
Marriage is part of his plans, but right now, we’re taking it day by day, week by week and see if we can get along very well.
We’re just seeing if we’re compatible.
“You guys are serious as well,” continues my girl-friend then said. “Most NICE people don’t start dating the person they genuinely care for, in the hope that some day they’ll break up.”
No one starts a relationship thinking of the breakup.
Not unless you’re a player who takes feelings very lightly.
And I’m not a player; and so is my guy.
Personally, I’m either 100% in or 100% out. No half-way.
“So,” she adds. “Either you break up, or get married… or stay with each other for the rest of your life if you don’t believe in that piece of paper.”
It’s hard to think about the break up when you’re happy and dandy. For the life of me, I can’t imagine breaking up with my current beau.
It would hurt way too much.
But it’s also good to be realistic. Sometimes, things don’t come out the way we want them to be. Of course, we hope they’ll work out, but then again, sh*t happens too.
Though we haven’t been communicating much, I believe myself to be friends with my ex. My current hubby says if ever something does happen and we do break up, we have enough foundation to remain friends.
I try not to think about it, really.
Wouldn’t it hurt if he brought someone he’s dating to an event, and I’m there still single? And how about vice-versa? Hmmm… I think we’ll still be friends, but that would really take commitment from both parties to make the friendship work.
Anyway, I agree with her though.
Breakups, though very hard, are sometimes necessary.
Like when I broke up with my ex, I cried my eyes out. But now, I found someone more compatible to me.
But she’s right. Breakups are good too. And if you’re really not compatible, the sooner, the better. You don’t really want to waste your time. Who knows? Prince Charming may be just around the corner.
If I didn’t breakup with my ex, I wouldn’t be dating my guy right now…
But at the same time, we need to be realistic.
We have to be strong and resilient.
Breakups aren’t the end of the world.
They spark a journey to the unknown… of an exploration of the self… and the search for someone better.