An imaginary conversation between Aussie guy and I:

Raven: I can’t see you anymore…

Aussie guy: Why? Did I do anything wrong?

Raven: Do you want the bullshit answer, or the truth?

Aussie guy: The truth of course. Hit me with it.

Raven: I can’t see you cause I’m frustrated.

Aussie guy: Huh? How do I frustrate you?

Raven: Can I whisper it in your ear?

Aussie guy: Sure kiddo.

*Raven moves closer and whispers to his ear:

Raven: I am frustrated because I want to kiss you so badly, and yet I can’t. This frustrates me, and I’ve learned a long time ago not to push, that I can never change a guy’s mind…

*pauses*

Raven: But I hate punishing myself, and every time I see you, I do that — I punish myself. Why? Because I want you and everytime I see you, makes me want you more. That’s why I can’t see you… I’d rather quit cold turkey and start forgetting about you. Learn to forget about you.

Aussie guy: You did have your chance, and yet you’ve blown it. I don’t really know if it’s early enough for second chances.

Raven: That’s fair. It was a huge blow to the ego even though at that time, I didn’t know it. And you know what? I regret it. Damnit, I’ve made the mistake once before, and oops, I did it again with you. Hopefully, next time, I’ll learn.

Aussie guy: Have you always felt this way? Why didn’t you say anything?

Raven: I’ve felt this long enough… shit, too long. That’s why I’m letting you go and move on. It will hurt like shit, believe it or not, you’re one of the only guys I’ve cared for in a while, but I’ll live.

Aussie guy: One last hug before you go?

Raven: I don’t know. You were really a part of my being 25, my friend.

Aussie guy: It doesn’t have to be over you know… all of this, is just in your head.

Raven: I know. But I’d go crazy if I don’t.

Raven gives him a big warm hug and walks away as Aussie guy looks on, shakes his head and turns away.

Shit, another one bites the dust.

But I’ll live.

For all you know, the conversation must’ve been real.

The desire to kiss him surely was.

Till then.