I love you. I do. My love is the type most people dream about. It’s a love that gives me courage to persist even when situations are bleak, when times are tough and when things are uncertain. Mine is the love that lasts for a lifetime. There are days when I’m in love with you but loving you is a constant. It’s always there. Don’t ask me when I started loving you. I do now and choose you to be its receipient.

Yesterday, I was accused of being young, naive, and given my age, have no sense of obligation or responsibility. I am seen as the foolish romantic with no ties to reality. Look my dear, I may be younger but I am NOT a fool. I have responsibilities too and if you doubt, you have yet to meet my father. However, I do things because I choose to do things and I bear the consequences. Never think for a moment that I am unaware of what I am doing. I think, I choose and then I follow through. That’s the reason why I’m happy. That’s the reason why life is worth living. And this is why you like me a lot.

Now, what I want. I’ve adopted a que sera sera attitude to this relationship as it’s really early days. I don’t know if we’ll have a future. I don’t know if we’ll have a future. I don’t know if we’ll hate each other’s guts later on. Short-term, I know I’ll be in Hong Kong but afterwards, who knows? Heck if I know if you’re the lucky man who’ll get me to settle down and have a few more toddlers. Maybe it would be someone else, some lucky dude. I am not a seer and cannot foretell the future. Can you, babe?

At the same time, I do want to see how this, us, plays out. Yes, I want to get married and have kids and settle down. Who doesn’t? But that’s for LATER. A LOT later. I love you but don’t know if we can work till that long yet. I don’t know if we can have that yet. I don’t know if you’re the man for me yet. I don’t know for sure if you deserve me yet. I don’t know if any of us will move closer to each other. I don’t know. I really don’t know.

But what I am certain is this, when I, and yourself, have actually given more time to this relationship and we both decide we actually have something special, then we will know. We will know whether we want to continue building and take it to the next level (or not). We will know if there’s actually a future (or not). Till then, anything before that is jumping the gun.

I don’t want jumping the gun. I am not that person. That would be cheating myself of certain happiness, of wonderful memories of what could have been, of knowing what makes you tick, of seeing how the movie plays out. And because of what? Fears of the future that’s not even there yet. Expectations that have no right to be there at this point in time. Histories that haven’t even started yet. I had hoped for a greater adversary. I am disappointed if these are the adversities I have to face.

You’re right. Ours is an equal relationship — you chose to pursue me and be with me, and I have chosen to be with you. I don’t need to convince you. We are adults who made a mature, loving decision. However, I am not stupid. A relationship is between two people: one cannot dance alone. I respect myself enough to know when to stop caring and loving and I do it as soon as the other person leaves me alone on the dance floor. But will I be all the poorer for it? I think not.

If you are the type who pulls the plug before the movie even started, then I am sorry for having chosen you. If you’re the type who rejects a prestigious job offer before actually even rolling up your sleevs to try it, then you’re not the man for me. If you tel me that there’s no hope for a future before we’ve actually gone through enough to know that there is really a future, then what can I say? Everything else is a moot point.

I will not hesitate in walking away if necessary, hon. There are so many other available fishes in the sea who wants me, why go for the one who has all this baggage? Who thinks too much and seems to pull the plug before anything serious has happened. I will not convince you to be with me. I don’t need to. You know what I am and what I can offer. I have options and will not hesitate to enforce them if necessary. And once I go, I don’t regret and don’t look back.

The distance, the professional risks, the time apart, opportunity costs in dating you, my current obligations as well — all this I can embrace and I already have. I have leapt in with my eyes wide open and I am aware of your circumstances and obligations. My only breaking point is for you is to take away ANY hope for the future. To say that we have no future especially at this point in time is not only unnecessary but a useless exercise. Babe, it’s too early to tell! But if right here, right now, one cannot even make the effort, give the time to see where this is going or giving it a chance to grow? Then what’s the use? The hand already has been played.

Just to be clear, I have never felt that I am stealing you from anyone. I respect myself too much to be as cheap as that. If that’s all you want from me, then it’s not worth it then. We’ve just corrupted something beautiful. I do stand though as the woman who is your equal telling him that she loves him, but that it’s too early to tell if there’s any future at all. Yes, the future is important but speaking about it today is useless. Only time can tell if the relationship will last, if it can grow to be taken to the next level. Maybe it’ll be next week or months but it’s definitely not today. Not now, but later. How much later? We’ll see. We’ll know when the time comes. But not today.

My hand is this, I’d like to see this movie. See how the film plays out, if it’ll end or if there’s a sequel. To give it more time to grow or not grow. To see whether you’re realy the man for me or not. To see how we can make it work given the distance, the obligations, the circumstances. But a relationship takes two to make it work. Are you the type who walks out of the movie before even watching the opening credits? Do you fear a future that’s not even there yet? My person opinion, it’s WAY too early to tell. I enjoy being with you and you make me happy. Instead of worrying about the future, why not live in the present? Enjoy it? Don’t you think we deserve at least that?

Yours,

Bonita