My answer: “Because we let them.“
I have a theory.
My theory is, “Guys only mistreat women because we let them.“
How many times does it happen when women call their girlfriends bawling, complaining that their significant other is a total *sshole?
And they meet for a b*tch session, and enumerate all the reasons why that guy is a total jerk, and how much he doesn’t deserve to be with their lovely girlfriend?
I’m a girl myself, but seriously ladies, when did we ever take credit for the failure of our relationships?
It’s always his fault always.
And I’m not bursting your bubble here, by saying that you’re bad and he’s good.
Am sure he’s no angel (and yes, I do admit that he’s probably been an ass for breaking your heart)…
But when did you ever become a saint?
As they say, “It takes two to tango.”
So when are we going to take equal responsibility for our actions?
For example, a girlfriend of mine told me her sad story.
Her story: After she and her ex broke up, as a lot of couples have done, they didn’t really totally break it off and still slept with each other even afterwards.
Unfortunately, in the midst of their passion, they forgot to use any type of protection (hence girls, if you’re going to do anything… do protect yourself) and three weeks later, discovered that she was pregnant.
She confronted him with her dilemma and he told him that he would marry her if she had the baby, but it would kinda suck because they already broke up and there’s no love between them anymore.
So given this situation, she had the baby aborted, saying that he was such an *ss for not saying no when she approached him and asked him to sleep over.
“He knows that I love him and that I was weak,” she wailed. “And yet he didn’t say no when I offered myself to him! If he loves me and cares for me, he knows breakup s*x isn’t good for me, and would’ve declined it!”
Raven’s response…
A blank disbelieving stare.
Ummmmm…..
Will there be any guy who would decline a woman throwing herself at him?
Sorry dear.
I love you and I care for you, but you are as guilty as he is.
You had the choice to distance yourself.
You had the choice of not sleeping with him.
You had the choice of using some sort of protection.
And yes, it sucks when accidents happen.
But it did, and we have to be responsible for it.
Same goes for the woman who is content with a “friends with benefits” arrangement.
They think they can use sex to get the man to fall in love with them.
A lot of my friends believe in this.
They say, “Men give women commitment to have sex; women give men sex to get the commitment.“
Personally, using sex to get the commitment is a no-win situation.
I have no problems with you having sex if you respect and like the guy.
However, using it to get something else?
No way, it’s like putting a tag price to yourself, hoping to get the guy’s approval by offering your body.
And then blaming the guy for being an *sshole if he didn’t give you the commitment you wanted.
But why would they pay for the cow if they can get the milk for free?
In addition, most guys are very upfront in the very beginning… most guys are.
They tell you sugar-coated words like,
“I’m not ready for a serious relationship”
or
“I’m not ready to settle down yet.“
But do you believe them?
No, you hope that somehow, they’ll realize what a prize you are and change their mind.
But when did we ever see that happening?
That’s right, not very often.
In contrast, they lose respect for you because you’re willing to decrease your standards and settle for what they can give, instead of what you really want.
So here’s what I can humbly say, “Girls, you always have a choice.“
You have a choice by saying, “Hmmm… I’m okay with being single, than being attached and miserable.”
You have a choice when you say, “Guess what? I’m okay with being alone.“
If the guy ain’t offering enough, you have the choice of saying, “I have enough of guys who don’t know what they really want and yes, I think I’m worth more than that.“
Ladies, we all have a choice.
You can always say no.
You can always say, “I have enough of this crap.”
Even if you really love the guy, you have a choice of loving yourself more and saying, “You don’t have to love me, that’s okay. But I only want men who value me for who I am.“
And if you ever say yes, do take responsibility for your actions.
Peace out. 🙂
your post is very nice. i, for one, knows who should be responsible for something when given the situation. for instance, my girl friends ask me about male POVs and i see to it they get the best view about certain situations. and i don’t groom the male character to my female friends. what happens true (or the what we call ‘reality’) is what they’ll hear from me.
you sound brave with your post. that’s good. 🙂
“I’m not ready for a serious relationship” or “I’m not ready to settle down yet.”
But do you believe them? No, you hope that somehow, they’ll realize what a prize you are and change their mind.
🙂 er..it never occured to me that women enjoy ‘challenges’ either .. lol
but.. but… the sex is really good, how can i resist? 😀
congrats on the move btw.
Aajao, haha, thanks for the compliment, though I feel am just being fair. Sometimes, women tend to protect themselvs by insisting they’re blameless, just to make them feel better. I admit it, am a woman myself. 🙂
@l, I just think that men or women, tend to want but they can’t have!
Chekwa, thanks! Sex is really good? Yes, call me stupid, but I think sex can always be good, even with someone else. Regardless, I do think holding onto your self-respect is even better. You can always have sex. But won’t you want to be respected for just being yourself?