Can you eventually make anyone love you?
Some people believe that they can make someone love them over a period of time.
I used to believe that too.
I remember when I used to be so gaga over my ex-boyfriend.
When I first met him, I thought he was tall, but thought nothing more of it. He was merely that Japanese guy who spent two years in Brazil to train in soccer. After class, I would usually head to the computer room and then, hang around the seventh floor to do some studying. He would usually be there studying as well. Soon, we started hanging out as a group.
As one of my classmates at the Chinese language center, Michan later became one of my closest friends.
Little did I know that he started harboring some feelings for me…
At first, he tried to fight it, knowing that we were both leaving in a year, and secondly, knowing my conservative background, I would never fall in love with me.
Finally, after nine months, he confessed.
And stupidly, I trampled on his ego and squashed his heart to pieces by telling him that although I liked him, I didn’t like him enough.
Which was in all honesty, the truth on how I felt at that time.
But life teaches us never to tell the 100% truth if it would hurt the people we really cared about.
He was deeply hurt. And some way or the other, his feelings for me turned 180 degrees. The warm Michan I remembered became the cold Michan I now know. And this was according to him, a defensive mechanism.
He tried everything to forget about me.
And it was this time that I started to fall for him.
But then, it was too late.
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I tried to fight and get his feelings back.
But I learned the hard way that someone else’s love isn’t something you have any control over.
Either it’s there — or it isn’t.
If it’s not there (anymore), nothing you will do can take it back. Sorry hon, you had your chance.
Maybe at the most, they will eventually like you after a period of time, and develop a strong bond with you.
This was in the case of my ex, whom I developed a stronger and deeper bond with.
But love is a different issue.
Even when we were together, I doubt that my ex felt anything deep and special for me rather than a certain fondness. In fact, by the time we broke up, he merely saw me as a friend. And I’m pretty sure that all the time he was with me, he really felt guilty.
Because no matter how nice I was to him, the truth was, he simply couldn’t love me back.
And since love is a verb, this hard truth showed in everything he did and said.
When we broke up, I told him, “You can never find anyone who would treat you as well as I did.”
This was a fact. And God, he knows it.
But no matter what I did, I couldn’t force him to love me again.
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That’s why, now, I have a deeper appreciation of this thing called love.
I feel that it’s nothing short of a miracle.
To love someone, to be attracted to someone, is already hard by itself. Case in point, I’m not easily attracted to men. Either I am, or I’m not. There’s really no in-between for me.
But for someone to love you — that’s a true gift in itself.
And most spectacularly, if you feel the same way.
If you’re able to reciprocate the feeling, or you find out that that person you love feels the same way about you… now, that’s a miracle in itself!
As Bonnie Raitt sang, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”
Hence, what is there to do?
Force an attraction?
No, been there… done that. And it hurts like hell.
Instead, the best one can do is invite love and accept it if it comes around.
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Going to be a quiz show girl this Sunday for my company. Quite excited. I get to dress sexy, act cute and help out my company.
Gosh, hope I don’t screw up…
C’est La Vie!
wow
are you sure that you’re only 24 years old? 😀
hey there raven … really liked what you wrote here. I super can relate. I had a nasty break up with my ex (actually he broke up with me!) and knowing the persistent me i stuck on his skin like a leech thinking that eventually the love he had for me would come back. But you cant really teach the heart whom to love … you can only go as far as manipulate it and then end up realizing that you’re short changing yourself. C’est La Vie!
“Hence, what is there to do?
Force an attraction?
No, been there… done that. And it hurts like hell.
Instead, the best one can do is invite love and accept it if it comes around.
“
I agree with you on this
But when one is very attracted to somebody, the only thing one could think of is “I am so in love with her, she should love me back”
by the way raven … i’ll link you up ok?! 🙂
Algol, yes, I’m positive I’m only 24 — to the chagrin of my boyfriend, who wishes I was older. 🙂
And no, loving someone is from your own free will. It’s a gift, to be given freely. They aren’t obliged to reciprocate your feelings. And am sure you know feelings can’t be forced. Either it’s there or it isn’t. If not, move on.
Gracie, sure why not? I’d be honored. And yes you’re correct. Begging or trying to make him love you back don’t really work. If they can’t value you enough, why stick with them? You deserve a lot better.
i salute u raven. after reading ur entry, i feel absolute empathy for my ex. 😀
Chekwa, care to share a bit of your story? 🙂
it’s human nature that when we love someone, we expect to be loved back..and if that didn’t happen, we get hurt or disappointed…is there such a thing called “unconditional”love?
Isn’t it ironic? I think that is one difference between male and female. Men cannot be forced to love someone. it is either they do or don’t. Women on the other hand can “learn” to love someone.
Found your link on Pinoyblog, btw. Hope you don’t mind if I link your site on mine 🙂
Mr. Pogi, unconditional love? Yes, I believe so. My mom is an example, she loves us unconditionally… and she doesn’t expect anything back. Which makes us appreciate her more.
Patrice, thanks for dropping by. Sure, I don’t mind. Yes, that’s weird, huh? For men, it’s either it’s there or not, why women are much more flexible. Great input!
speaking from past personal experiences, i have to agree with patrice there. in addition, women are more likely to forgive easily but not to say forget. 😀
OMG. You are really gifted with fine insights, and your other readers as well.
On my way home earlier, the cab’s radio was playing George Michael’s version of ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’ and when I got home I played it over and over and over in my PC. And now reading your entry… shoot.
I’ve fallen for a guy who doesn’t think much of me. To him, I’m just someone he sees once or twice a month, have a drink with, to play with under the sheets. It’s my fault too. I let him. I was playing the game well… until I fell for him. Maybe he does like me, but not enough to get serious.
I try to make every moment with him precious and beautiful because I know someday I wouldn’t want any part of it anymore, and I know that I have to get out of this mess soon because I deserve more than this. Yes, it will hurt and it will make me break down and cry when I do say good-bye to my twisted sunshine. But I need him to be my lesson that I deserve every fine thing that life has to offer me and not to settle for anything less.
You take care, raven. You have a good one =)
Beachfreak, thank you. I just think my story is common amongst a lot of people, and just sharing what I’ve learned based on that hurtful time.
I empathize with you BeachFreak… I know it hurts when you want him so much, but for so reason, he doesn’t want you back. But there’s a time of realization of “Sh*t, can’t have him trample over my heart again… and again… and again cause HEY, I DESERVE BETTER.”
And you know what BeachFreak, you do. So hope you do something about it and keep us posted. Be strong girl. If he can’t realize what a gem you are, there’s someone way better than him for you!
yep… the truth hurts…